Tuesday, 20 August 2013
REFLECTIVE WRITING
When I was a child, I was a slow learner. I was not mature enough to realise the importance of studies. During the Primary School Leaving Examination(PSLE) years ago, I did not do well and ended up in the normal academic stream in my secondary school. When I told my mother about my results, she appears to be really disappointed. Instead of scolding me, she encouraged me to do well in secondary school to be promoted to the express stream in secondary one. Along the way back home in the car, tears came down the cheeks of my mother. That was the first time i saw her cry since young. At the point of time, I told my mother that I will do my best and promote into the express stream when I start school. Through this experience, I was really determined to do well in school and this was what motivated me in my studies throughout my secondary school days. However, I did not make it through the first year, but I persevered on and got what I wanted in the second year. This experience spur me to do my best in whatever I set to do in my life.
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The reflection has deeply expressed the feelings that the writer felt and the positive change that he had derived from the personal experience
ReplyDeleteThe writer expressed his feeling in a way that the readers can understand easily. The essay is full of emotions and it is touching.
ReplyDeleteJeremy,
ReplyDeleteA wonderful reflection indeed. Please see comments below:
Blogging buddies: Valid comments; it is indeed a very thought-provoking reflection.
ReplyDeleteJeremy,
ReplyDeleteA wonderful reflection indeed. Please see comments below:
Content and organisation: You organised the ideas well and provided very detailed description of the event. You then carefully reflected on the situation and elaborated on the outcome. Great job!
Language:
1. Think about the use of present tense vs past tense here.
When I TOLD my mother about my results, she appearS to be really disappointed. Instead of scolding me, she encouragED ...
2. Think about how you linked the cause and effect here:
i. cause: she encouraged me to do well in secondary school
ii. result: TO BE+ promoted to the express stream in secondary one.
Note this: 'to be' is used to connect idea + description of the sentence--e.g. I want TO BE good. It is not used to connect cause and effect.
3. Think about the connection of ideas:
However, I did not make it through the first year, but I persevered on and got what I wanted in the second year. This experience spur me to do my best in whatever I set to do in my life.
However = shows opposing idea from the previous sentence.
but = then you suggested another opposing idea.
In fact, the latter part 'but I PERSEVERED on and got what I wanted in the second year' does not oppose the first part of the sentence ' I did not make it through the first year,...'.
Do you understand what I am getting at and how you may fix this?
4. Think about the use of tenses here: 'This experience spur me to do my best in whatever I set to do in my life.'
Consider using present perfect tense instead of simple present tense.
1) When I TOLD my mother about my results, she appearED to be really disappointed. Instead of scolding me, she encouragED ...
Delete2)Instead of scolding me, she encouraged me to do well in secondary school and be promoted to the express stream in secondary one.
3)However, I did not make it through the first year. Despite another time of discouragement, I persevered on and got what I wanted in the second year.
4)'This experience have spurred me to do my best in whatever I set to do in my life.'